Unexpected Encounter. Friends Reunited. Or ‘I’ll spit in your handbag’.

Even though personal convention and social *wisdom* suggests the opposite, I will share the most recent outcome of an incidental (re)meeting in the street of an old friend. The Smack the Pony’s sketch – Friends Reunited - is an excellent portrayal of the potential social awkwardness of this situation…

H: Lucy!

L: Hannah! Hello,

H: Great to see you! Well I had your number but everything just got burned!

L: Oh great to see you. Lets change numbers.

H: Write on my hand. Here’s a pen.

L: Bus ticket! Oh no that’s broken. Damn it.

H: Lippy, lippy, lipstick on the paper.

L: Really got to rush rush rush,

H: No I can’t read that at all.

L: What to do?

H: I could scratch my number on your glasses.

L: I must go.

H: Spit in my bag.

L: Err no.

H: I could likck your back, and then you roll on the ground it adheres.

L: Quick! A tattoo.

H: There’s no time.

L: Must go.

H: Numbers. We can remember numbers…

L: No I’m never going to remember that. Really got to go.

H: What to do?

L: Meet here in a year. Same time and place.

H: Or even sooner.

L: I can’t. married to a rock star.

H: Wow.

L: Bye.

How difficult is it for us to reconnect and to accept an invitation from someone else? We feel under pressure to communicate, connect and reconnect. Then we find instead that ‘life just gets in the way’ – and so we are left with the option to either ‘spit in your handbag’ and walk away with mention of a rock star husband. OR, to really reconnect and then to take the time and effort to follow this up from the ‘hi’ in the street.

Someone I know recently went looking for lost school friends (he was bored in bed with flu and had just discovered Facebook). The result of his social daliance were that most 'friends' would accept his invitation, but did little to follow up this reintroduction. My explanation was that I was not surprised. Particularly when he explained how he was motivated by Lemsip combined with a flu fever. I too would probably be reluctant to follow up a friendship ‘hint’ had I received such a request myself.

Hi I have flu, long time no see! How are you doing?

There are a few reasons for this reaction. First, we live life through and with those we know, and who know us best. Had we wanted to reconnect with old school friends, by now, we probably would have already done it. (Apologies to those old school friends I have not got back in touch with and who may be reading this!). At the heart of this is the idea that there is no such thing as the ‘pure’ friendship/relationship – there is always a reciprocity that is expected and attached to such actions. Hence a message/invitation etc. is always sent with the (implicit) expectation that we will give something in return and in order to make it worth our while to offer up our attention. Second, there is a sense that we attach different kind of meaning to seemingly random and out of the blue incidents - Whether the bumping into an old friend in the street, or the unexpected friend request on Facebook - One member of the party may take this very seriously, the other does not know, understand, nor care to receive it.

These social negotiations are tangled up in need for personal protectiveness and prevention of risk.An assessment that quickly changes from 'what to do' or 'how to respond' to such requests. This is weighed up against the personal effort it will take on our part and demands such actions will make on our personal time.

These observations may seem negative, but they are mainly about asserting our expectations and opportunities around everyday interactions. In this way perhaps we should not be so hard on ourselves if we want to assert we are married to a rock star and would rather walk away than 'spit in your handbag'. Personally, the more I research and pursue my own connections, the more social etiquette matters. Here self-reflection is key for establishing the shared rules for acceptable behaviour and to avoid handbags at dawn.